It’s not a big secret: There is a difference between making love and having sex. That said, if you haven’t experienced it for yourself, you may not be entirely sure what exactly those differences are.
So what exactly is the difference between making love and having sex?
1.The Motivation Is Different
When you’re having sex, your primary motivation is (let’s be real) to get off. Sure, you usually want to get your hands on some hot piece of human, and you may even like to play in different ways, but at the end of the day, you want to have an orgasm.
When making love, it’s not that getting off isn’t important, too (because it’s always great, obviously), but the primary motivation is to connect on an emotional level with your partner. Making love means you delight in exploring your partner’s body and mind and heart, not just because you are trying to have an orgasm, but because you are trying to share a seriously intimate connection with them.
2. The Communication Is Different
When you’re having sex, it’s not uncommon for some dirty words to enter the vocabulary. Even if you aren’t a fan of sexy talk, the communication during sex is often mostly about who is about to have an orgasm, when, how hard, etc.
When you’re making love, though, this all changes. It’s not that dirty talk still isn’t possible in making love, it’s more that it is held up by loving, emotional words. Making love often gives couples the ability to be very open with each other, and gives them the perfect space for talking about how much they love each other.
3. The Vulnerability Is Different
In sex, even if we’re sometimes open to trying new things, we’re not normally open to much more than just finishing and feeling good.
With making love, however, this is completely different. Couples making love are often extremely emotionally vulnerable to the point that tears may flow. This actually makes a lot of sense, because if the motivation (see point one) for making love is to connect, there’s no better way to do that than being intentionally vulnerable.
4. The Personality Is Different
Sometimes, when we’re having sex, it’s easy to turn into someone else. Occasionally, this is intentional, like through role-playing or rough play, but other times, it’s just because our inhibitions are down, and it’s awesome to feel like some wonderful sex goddess that you may not usually feel like in “real life.”
That said, though, in lovemaking, there is no one to be but yourself. In fact, for making love to work between you and your partner the way it’s sort of supposed to (with openness and emotional vulnerability), you have to be 100 percent, completely yourself. You have to be the most yourself you’ve ever been. There’s no room for anyone else.